For Me

I do not remember being this emotional while pregnant with MJ. The littlest things are able to set me off and then leave me off kilter and crying for potentially hours after.

Maybe it is a combination of things. I dislike my job. I hate leaving MJ. I am frustrated that a lot of the things I have been trying to do in order to stay home with MJ are not working at a level that would support me staying with him. I wish I had more help around the house, yet I am appreciative every second of every day that CJ does so much for us. I need more time to work on my writing, yet in the evenings, I am tired from chasing MJ, working, house work, dinner, etc. and I just cannot bring myself to do anything but sleep when things calm down. I gladly get MJ ready for bed alone so CJ can have his workout time because I know how important it is to him, but I miss CJ every second he is in his garage.

As I write this, I do not even know if I will make this post public or not. CJ reads my posts, yet I am not worried about what he would think as he tries to understand what I am going through. I am more worried about what my other followers would think, or my mother who likes to read my blog every now and then. I mean, how do you say these things and not sound like a spoiled baby even though you just really need to say them?

I guess I should post this as my tagline says “frowns and smiles” and that is life. There are no smiles without frowns; the smiles would mean a lot less without them.

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