I just finished rewatching A Little Bit of HeavenI remember being sad the first time I watched it, but this time I cried like a baby. I think it was because of the recent deaths in my family. So why I chose to watch this movie now, I don’t know.

I feel awful that I didn’t get to go to my aunt’s funeral. (This is the aunt EM was named after.) I know she would have understood as she lived a few states away, but I still wish I could have said goodbye. Well, I more wish see would have been able to meet her namesake, but everyone thought she had more time. –this was difficult to put in the past tense.

I also feel horrible about the viewing I attended for my grandfather. I was uncomfortable and spent the whole time chatting with my mother and a cousin. I feel like a terrible person for being so uncomfortable, but since he had left my grandmother many years before I was born, I didn’t know any of his friends who were there; I barely knew him.

As I watched the end of this movie, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that were true? That we get to witness our funeral and watch our loved ones say goodbye.” But then I thought how horrible a thing this would be for some people. I don’t want to think my grandfather saw me standing in a corner, awkwardly avoiding the front of the room where he was. Everyone deserves to be properly mourned and I don’t really think I lived up to that. And besides barely knowing him, I’ve never really been to anything like that before.

‘Knock on wood,’ I have never really lost anyone in my life. Up until he passed, I had all my grandparents, all my aunts and uncles, and even great-aunt and uncles. I am petrified that when someone passes that I knew better, I won’t be able to handle it. Having no real experience dealing with death and loss at the age of 27, I don’t know if I will be able to hold myself together.

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YCN #2

Here is my second article for the YCN. It was supposed to be on when you (the author) decided it was the right time to start a family and if you thought it was advice to share with others.

My husband and I were engaged for three years before we got married. Why did we wait? We wanted to finish school. We were married for two years before we bought a home. Why did we wait? We wanted to be established in our careers.

As we neared thirty, we began to consider starting a family. There were always reasons to wait: someone changed their job, someone’s car broke down, etc. How much time did we want with just us?

I was talking at family function with one of my aunts and she informed me that there is never a perfect time to start a family. There will never be enough money. There will never be enough time. You will never be at the right point in your relationship.

My husband and I sat down and really considered this. She was right, no doubt about it. We decided to go ahead and do it. We only tried for two months before we found out we were pregnant and it was an amazing feeling. Nine months later, our beautiful little boy was born.

Times are hard, things get rough, and I never have enough hands, but I would not trade my little guy for anything. In fact, every time I look into his big, blue eyes, I cannot wait to make him a big brother.

I briefly considered if we make enough money. Do I have enough time to devote to two children instead of just one? My husband and I get along, for the most part. But wait. Here come the words from my favorite aunt:

“There is never a perfect time. If you want children, have them when you want them, not when you think you can afford them. You can always find a way to make it work.”

I am so glad we decided to listen to her and I freely give that advice to others. If you are seeking the perfect time to have your first, you will never find it and time you could be rearing your child will slip away. If you want a child, while you want them, now, is the perfect time.

A little shy of 3,000 words today. I am immensely proud of myself. It seems to be getting easier with time, which is good. I have so many notes and random scenes that need to be put into a flowing and coherent story.

I have started following some of my favorite authors on twitter and I believe that some of their words of wisdom may actually be rubbing off on me. I try to take their advice into account when working on my writing; I just cannot devote hours at a time to it like they suggest. I am lucky if all my little moments stolen here and there equal an hour. I would not give up my time with MJ for anything though 🙂

snow

snow

MJ got to play in the snow for the first time last week. He had a blast! We made a little snowman, which he promptly knocked over because he wanted to eat it. He rolled around, laughed a little, and then took an amazing nap for mommy 😀 I am so glad I get to spend so much time with him; I wish it could be more.

She Could Not Be Her Without You

I have found that I enjoy Alexandra Potter as an author.

I love Jane Austen books. For Christmas this past year my mother gave me Me and Mr. Darcy simply because of the title character. This was a very enjoyable read, so when I saw a new Alexandra Potter book sitting on the shelf at Barnes & Noble, I had to have it. The book was The Two Lives of Miss Charlotte Merryweather.

In the two books that I have read by her, Potter likes to leave certain decisions up to the reader. She presents evidence that could support two eventualities and leaves the reader to decide what really occurred. (I must admit, I do not always opt for the more logical explanation.)

In The Two Lives of Miss Charlotte Merryweather, Charlotte Merryweather encounters herself…from ten years ago. She has always thought of things she would change if she had the chance and her best friend, Vanessa, even has her two cents to add about what she would tell a younger version of herself if that kind of thing were possible.

Charlotte attempts to make the most of this opportunity even though she cannot understand why it is occurring. Her main goal, she believes, is to stop her younger self, Lottie – as she went by then, from getting her heart broken by some slimy English man in leather pants. Charlotte later learns that what she believed to be a success was not really. Even though she thought she had foiled the hook-up, Lottie had gone back later and gone through with the interlude anyway.

Watching herself cry after suffering heartbreak at the hands of the rocker, she realizes that she was not actually trying to save herself from this heartbreak. The actions of that night had led her on a slow, downward spiral toward what she is today. Subconsciously, she was trying to avoid this because she was not happy with who she had become.

It is only after this realization that she comes to change herself and become the heroine the readers knew she could become. So herein lies the question. Even if it were possible to interact with and warn a younger version of yourself as to what the older, wiser version of yourself knew as true, would it do any good? Would you listen to yourself? Would you think that you were crazy? Even if you tried to change, would it make a difference?

Charlotte tried to change her past, but her younger self was too headstrong and stubborn. Or was that really the case? Maybe everything that happens to a person, good or bad, is meant to happen in order to create the person they are supposed to be.