I just finished rewatching A Little Bit of HeavenI remember being sad the first time I watched it, but this time I cried like a baby. I think it was because of the recent deaths in my family. So why I chose to watch this movie now, I don’t know.

I feel awful that I didn’t get to go to my aunt’s funeral. (This is the aunt EM was named after.) I know she would have understood as she lived a few states away, but I still wish I could have said goodbye. Well, I more wish see would have been able to meet her namesake, but everyone thought she had more time. –this was difficult to put in the past tense.

I also feel horrible about the viewing I attended for my grandfather. I was uncomfortable and spent the whole time chatting with my mother and a cousin. I feel like a terrible person for being so uncomfortable, but since he had left my grandmother many years before I was born, I didn’t know any of his friends who were there; I barely knew him.

As I watched the end of this movie, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that were true? That we get to witness our funeral and watch our loved ones say goodbye.” But then I thought how horrible a thing this would be for some people. I don’t want to think my grandfather saw me standing in a corner, awkwardly avoiding the front of the room where he was. Everyone deserves to be properly mourned and I don’t really think I lived up to that. And besides barely knowing him, I’ve never really been to anything like that before.

‘Knock on wood,’ I have never really lost anyone in my life. Up until he passed, I had all my grandparents, all my aunts and uncles, and even great-aunt and uncles. I am petrified that when someone passes that I knew better, I won’t be able to handle it. Having no real experience dealing with death and loss at the age of 27, I don’t know if I will be able to hold myself together.

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YCN #2

Here is my second article for the YCN. It was supposed to be on when you (the author) decided it was the right time to start a family and if you thought it was advice to share with others.

My husband and I were engaged for three years before we got married. Why did we wait? We wanted to finish school. We were married for two years before we bought a home. Why did we wait? We wanted to be established in our careers.

As we neared thirty, we began to consider starting a family. There were always reasons to wait: someone changed their job, someone’s car broke down, etc. How much time did we want with just us?

I was talking at family function with one of my aunts and she informed me that there is never a perfect time to start a family. There will never be enough money. There will never be enough time. You will never be at the right point in your relationship.

My husband and I sat down and really considered this. She was right, no doubt about it. We decided to go ahead and do it. We only tried for two months before we found out we were pregnant and it was an amazing feeling. Nine months later, our beautiful little boy was born.

Times are hard, things get rough, and I never have enough hands, but I would not trade my little guy for anything. In fact, every time I look into his big, blue eyes, I cannot wait to make him a big brother.

I briefly considered if we make enough money. Do I have enough time to devote to two children instead of just one? My husband and I get along, for the most part. But wait. Here come the words from my favorite aunt:

“There is never a perfect time. If you want children, have them when you want them, not when you think you can afford them. You can always find a way to make it work.”

I am so glad we decided to listen to her and I freely give that advice to others. If you are seeking the perfect time to have your first, you will never find it and time you could be rearing your child will slip away. If you want a child, while you want them, now, is the perfect time.

Thank You

Over the holiday weekend, we went to PA to visit with CJ’s family. I received a pleasant surprise while there. Turns out his aunt from OH reads my stuff! She asked me all kinds of questions about the articles I write for Yahoo!, about how I got into writing and if I was working on anything else. She was excited to learn about my current WIP and even offered to beta read it for me. It was really great to get such positive feedback about my work. It gave me an extra jolt to work hard to accomplish my goals.

Party Time!

It has been beyond crazy lately trying to get a house we have been living in for less than three months ready enough to entertain a large number of family members. Why do I need to have them over? My baby is turning one!

It is hard to believe that my baby boy is already one. He walks, he talks; where did the time go?

My family is great, but sometimes they can be a little judgemental. My mother will comment on how the kitchen is not painted yet. My grandma, who has a keen eye for dust, will let me know if I missed a spot. One of my aunts makes the cakes for everyone’s birthday parties, but I told her I wanted to do this one myself and I am sure she will let me know if it is not up to standards.

I know MJ will have lots of fun tomorrow, but I sure will not. Who ever really has fun hosting the party; making sure drinks are full, there are enough snacks out…

Somehow I managed to pull together the time to write a little more for the Yahoo Contributor Network so if anyone is interested in reading one of the two articles, here they are: “Words of Wisdom” and “My Son Creates his own Photo Ops.”

Hopefully after tomorrow afternoon, I will still be sane enough to post a few pictures of the birthday boy and of the main rooms of the house that have finally been finished. I am so proud of what CJ and I have been able to do on our own. CJ even built me my dining room table! I think it is beyond gorgeous and I never knew he was so handy. 🙂

Bed early tonight beccause I have a dragon cake to finish in the morning. Rawr! 😀