Last week while I was grocery shopping, I passed an old friend in the aisle. There is no way she could have missed me, but she ignored me completely. CJ and I talked it over and there are a few things we feel could have happened.

The first, and least likely in my opinion, is that she really just didn’t see me. The second, and my feeling, is that she is still not over the unfortunate events that took place between her and my brother-in-law. Their failed attempt at a relationship had nothing to do with me, but as my brother-in-law left me to do the “breaking up” as it were, my relationship with her suffered. The third, and CJ’s idea, is that even though I have tried to keep her in my life – inviting her to girls’ nights, birthday parties, etc. – it was just too hard for her to watch me get married and start a family.

I remember her mother made a comment one evening while we were hanging out; shortly before CJ and I got married. She told her daughter to enjoy the last few opportunities to hang out since we wouldn’t be friends anymore after my marriage. So a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts? But not for lack of trying on my part.

I have one best friend, besides CJ of course, who lives in Missouri. I have one sister who prefers her friends who party (and I do mean PARTY), since I don’t. So a situation like this is actually heartbreaking. I know losing a friend is always sad, but when you don’t have many to begin with…

Later in August, I have a meeting set up with a girl from high school. We haven’t really hung out since then, but we did invite each other to our weddings. Why did we set up a meeting now? She just had her first child. He’s a few weeks older than EM. I’m assuming she wants some “mommy friends” for advice, play dates, etc. I’m looking forward to this meeting because I’ve always wanted a “mommy friend” who lives relatively closer than my girlfriend in Missouri. I’ve learned to not get my hopes up though. So we’ll see. Even if it doesn’t go well, at least I know she isn’t immature enough to ignore me if she saw me at the grocery store.

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I was watching an old episode of Charmed and I could not help but get a little depressed while watching. Obviously, as the girls are sisters, there is a fair bit of fighting yet there are these moments between them that I cannot help but to be jealous of. There are instances of true friendship between them where they whisper secrets and hold hands. They know they can rely on one another and share confidences.

I am really jealous. I will admit it. When Piper and Phoebe held hands while running off and giggling, I cried because it is something I have never had and something I fear I never will.

When I got married, I went from having one sister, to having two. Both my sister and sister-in-law have a way of making me feel lacking. I live ten minutes away from my own sister and yet only see her when my parents visit from out of state and only talk to her when my mother forces the issue as she does not usually take my call.

I want the sister relationship I see or the one I read about in books. I want to be able to confide things that I may feel comfortable telling CJ yet know he could do without such feminine knowledge.

All I know is I will do my damnedest to be sure my children have a better relationship. *Here’s to hoping*

Boundless

Yesterday I finished Boundless by Cynthia Hand. It is the last in a series of three books and one novella.

When I was in Denver and working at Barnes & Noble, one of my managers reccomended the first book of the series Unearthly. She had read the advanced reading copy and had nothing but wonderful things to say about it. Shortly after I purchased my Nook, I found that Unearthly was only a few dollars so I gave it a whirl.

It is definitely a teen series complete with love triangles and too must angst. When I was in my YA Lit class, my professor told us that when we finally became teachers, to read what our kids would be reading so we could stay in tune with them and also be able to talk about what they are interested in. Thus sparked my foray into YA fiction and the fact that at my age I read more of it than I probably should 🙂 (at least that is my excuse).

I was actually impressed with the series because it was the first of its kind that I had read. It deals with the nephilim and the author’s ideas of how they came to be on Earth, multiplied, and what they do now. All that are still on Earth have a “purpose” that they must complete before the end of the 120 years they will live. The series dealt with the “purpose” of Clara Gardner.

I had high hopes for the last book, as anyone does with the last book of a series. After I first finished it, I was a little disappointed, but the ending has grown on me a bit. Clara struggles through all three books and the novella with a love triangle she cannot seem to dissolve. She ended up with the guy I wanted her to be with, but the epilogue did not give me the information I was craving. The more I think about it, the more I think I should just be happy with the information I was given and let that be the end of it however, it was hard to be okay with the way things were. The guy Clara did not choose was left “out in the cold.” He did not show up at the family gathering at the end. He no longer talked to Clara or wanted anything to do with her. That is understandable, broken heart and all, but that left the reader with no closure as to whether he would ever be happy with another in his life. I would have felt better if the poor guy had found someone wonderful that he could love instead.

I see more and more YA novels that have epilogues where marriage is involved, just like this one. It is so rare to marry the BOY you date in high school. I think it gives a false perception and makes girls think this is the “norm.” High school is a time about finding yourself and discovering who you are; it is not about finding a boy and discovering how to keep him forever. We need more heroines who do not necessarily end up with the boy at the end. They work their way through the novel finding themselves and becoming happy with who that person is. You cannot truly love someone until you love yourself. If you never take the time to find out who you are, how can you ever hope to have a mature and functioning relationship? Slow down. Grow up. Enjoy your friends. Be yourself. You are a complete person all on your own.