Too Much

Have you ever gone through a phase in your life where you feel you must constantly sacrifice for others? I am definitely there.

Just a little while ago, I had to do something I am not comfortable with. I feel sick. I probably would have felt sick if I hadn’t done it too. But then I would have felt sick and guilty. Next weekend I have to attend an event I wish I didn’t have to go to. I am already anxious about it. But if I don’t go, it would hurt multiple people’s feelings.

But here’s my question: why are my feelings less important than others’? What have I done to make my own wishes so secondary to anyone else’s?

My pain is real, whether you can see it or not. Right now it would be obvious to anyone who saw me. I don’t want to keep feeling this way.

Please see my need is real too.

Please stop asking too much.

Zelda Symphony

Friday night, was the first Friday in about one year that I didn’t have to work. One of my girlfriends at work switched shifts with me so I could attend a concert with my cousin. Our local philharmonic orchestra was playing a Symphony of the Goddesses and he’s a big lover of the Zelda games. He didn’t want to go alone, and he knows I like the symphony, so he asked me to go with him. I don’t know much about Zelda, but I was excited none the less.

Obviously, the music itself was fantastic, but I don’t know if I will ever attend a concert like this again. There was a large screen above the orchestra that showed gameplay and different scenes from the games as the score was played. I found it incredibly distracting. One of the things I love about going to the symphony is being able to lose yourself in the music. Even if I tried to not focus on the screen, my eyes kept being pulled back to it. I felt it changed the whole experience drastically.

From now on, I guess it will be necessary to check if this feature is going to be used before purchasing any tickets.

Naughty Babies

This week has been rough. People at work have been on vacation, so instead of working only three nights per week, I worked six. The babies have noticed and are acting accordingly. This makes me super excited that it is happening again this week as well, as I have learned that the kids are being a little naughty regarding the loss of “mommy time.”

For the most part, we’ve just been experiencing some listening issues, but in the case of Q, she’s being a little vindictive. At one point during this blur of a week, I disciplined her for something – I don’t even remember what. A few minutes later, she told me she had to go potty. Even though she’s two, she’s completely able to take herself to the bathroom without supervision. Since she was taking too long on this occasion, I went in to check on her. As soon as she saw me, she said “Hi, Mommy” and then pulled something out from underneath her. She had peed on my glasses. She took them off the counter, held them underneath her, and peed on them. Then held them out to me like she was proud. Even after I cleaned them, I still had a hard time putting them on my face.

I have a feeling I’m really going to have my hands full with her by the time she’s a teenager. Heck, even when she’s a threenager.

 

It’s only 9am and I’m already frustrated. It’s mornings like these that remind me we are basically on our own. 

As much as I love CJ, his morning he was a bit of a doofus. He took both set of car keys with him to work. It took me a long time to figure out a way to get MJ to school. I ended up being able to get him a ride (since the local school district won’t bus him to his preschool), but he was about 45 minutes late. 

This makes me feel immensely jealous of the people who have parents close by. They have this instant support system to help out on days like today or if someone gets unexpectedly hurt and needs to go to the doctor. Yet I have seen many in this situation take it for granted. I would be unbelievably grateful. In fact, I would be willing to bribe my parents if they would move back. I don’t have much to offer, but I’m sure we can figure out a deal.  🙂

Chocolate Milk

Every time MJ has chocolate milk, and I do mean every time, he spills at least some of it. Today, CJ made him some and of course, it got spilled. CJ asked MJ if it was a prerequisite of his drinking; if it just had to get spilled. Then CJ asked if MJ was just “giving one for his homies.” It was quite possibly the most ridiculous, yet most hilarious, things I have ever heard him say. 

My family is amazing.  🙂

It has been a rough few weeks for me. First, I lost my paternal grandfather, then a maternal aunt – the one EM is named after. I know they say death comes in threes, but can we just stop at two for now. Two in just a few weeks is enough.

“The Pretty One”

This past weekend, CJ and I watched a movie called “The Pretty One.” We both really enjoyed the quirky humor.

I was really impressed with the point of the movie, but felt that the writers dropped the ball with the ending of the movie. I felt the whole point was to show that the main character had grown to become her own, independent woman yet the ending had her move from being her father’s daughter and caretaker to being someone’s girlfriend. Granted, I wanted her to get back together with the guy, but the ending would have had more meaning if she had done/performed a grand gesture for herself with maybe just a hint at getting back together with the guy. Her growth as a person was much more important than her “growth” as a girlfriend.

Otherwise, it was a movie that I would recommend. It was really good. 🙂

When I found out a few years ago that they were turning “21 Jumpstreet” into a movie, I was pretty excited. I love the show and own all five seasons on DVD. After I saw the first preview, I was angry and offended and vowed to never watch the movie. Now that its sequel is out in theaters and people are raving about it as well, I feel that I have to defend my stance to avoid this series.

Why I will never watch 21 or 22 Jumpstreet:

1. Most importantly – even though the characters on the show were often put into compromising positions, they never actually BROKE THE LAW. They were police officers after all. Even the preview for the first movie showcased the officers riding out a drug-induced high. Drugs ruin lives. THEY ARE NOT FUNNY.

2. When Tommy and Doug were partnered up as the McQuaid brothers and acting like badasses, they were still people you could look up to. (TV show) Tatum and Hill and their asinine antics are nothing you would want to emulate. (Movie)

3. The characters on the show looked like they could actually be in high school and when they could not pull it off anymore, they were cycled out. There is no way you could ever expect me to believe that Channing Tatum is a high school student. Just does not fly.

This weekend, I was humiliated by my sister. In our church parking lot, she cussed me out, loudly, in front of a lot of people. I was mortified and had to walk away.

What, pray tell, could have possibly caused her to do such a thing at such a time and place? Because my husband was talking to my cousin about taking his SAT and my sister decided this was none of our business. This was all over our worry about his being able to take a test and her believing we should butt out. (I would like to add that she frequently butts in where our female cousins are concerned.)

I have since tried a few times to be the “bigger man,” but to no avail. When my sister is upset, she stays upset until she is good and ready. She will not talk to me.

Tonight, CJ told me that it is supposed to rain tomorrow morning. I am supposed to attend my niece’s preschool graduation and since I live about two blocks away from the school, I was going to walk. Obviously, I do not wish to take my children out to walk in the rain.

I gave my sister a head’s up about the weather and she is convinced I am using it as an excuse not to go because I “have a car.” Well, my front brakes are rusted through and short drive or not, rain or not, I do not think I should drive it until CJ and I have a chance to get it fixed.

If I do not go tomorrow, the backlash will be unbelievable. Her rationale is completely skewed sometimes and it is hard to keep up with. In order to keep her happy, I would have to walk, rain or shine. If I end up walking in the rain, I will not only have two sick babies and possibly sick me, I will have to deal with the wrath of CJ. I definitely do not want either…

I remember a time before my sister used to act this way. Whoever stole that side of her, can I have it back now, please?

Have you ever had one of those days where everything feels utterly out of control? Little things that don’t normally bother you, drive you nuts. Anxiety is at a high. Stress levels are up. That’s how I feel right now and I can’t seem to get myself back down.

Started this morning. I was told some things that shouldn’t have been told. Houseguest usurped my washing machine. It’s hot and I HATE being hot. MJ was being a “normal” two year old instead of his usual, well behaved self. Q is teething.

When we went outside, Q spit up all over her pak-n-play. MJ decided to put dirt all in his underwear.

At lunch, Q decided to start blowing raspberries, got me covered in green beans, and then refused to finish eating. MJ decided to do his new favorite thing, which is climbing up behind you (which I CAN’T STAND), while I was trying to work with Q and wiped his lunch covered face on my back.

Sitting and typing this has helped a bit. Sometimes venting is good for the soul. Q is sitting on my lap and MJ is playing “Godzilla” with his train set.

Today is one of the rare says where I hope they take an extra long nap. I hate these days. They make me feel like a bad mom…