I have taken too long a break from my writing. I have not worked on my novel since Riley died. I have not posted here in weeks. I have wallowed in this depressive funk and made no real efforts to get better.

I didn’t realize just how bad it had become until CJ thanked me for performing a mundane chore before his parents arrived for Q’s birthday.  It had unknowingly gotten to a point where my husband felt the need to thank me for doing my job as a wife and mother. It’s hard to come to terms with that.

Progress, by definition, requires effort. I have been allowing CJ to put forth all the effort while putting forth none of my own. I have taken solace in my obsessions and compulsions. I apologize to my family for this.

It has become clear that my “coping mechanisms” were grossly inadequate. Writing however, seems to be the one outlet that has never failed me, yet I have failed it. Why do we avoid things that can help make us well? Why not dive headfirst into the things that can make us happy?

So, here’s the schedule. Mondays will be for updates. Thursdays will be for reviews. Surprise posts are always an option and are free from restriction. Editing will occur at least three times per week, for however long I can dedicate to it. I hope that giving myself these deadlines will help. I am a queen of procrastination, but I like a good due date. I will read more. I will continue therapy. I will do my job. I will strive to be able to return the extraordinary care I have received. You can count on it.

Advertisements

After having survived visiting both sides of the family in a single weekend and numerous hours in the van, we still had plenty to get ready for at home. We had the beginning of school for MJ and Q, the end of my job at the hospital, and the beginning of babysitting for one of my girlfriends. We have been an exceptionally busy household.

Most days, it’s been the level of busy where you feel really accomplished by the end of the day, but you’re too tired to do anything else other than binge on DramaFever before bed.

There have been a few highlights since school has started. One of the things I loved was one morning while driving to school, as we passed the cemetery, Q waved out the window and said, “Hi, Baby Riley.” It was just that simple; just that sweet. And now they always do it. It makes me both happy and sad at the same time. The other thing has to do with MJ. One of the other mothers was in his classroom for a birthday. She pulled me aside at pickup later that day to tell me how impressed she was with how well-behaved and polite he is. I was shocked. And so excited. I can deal as long as he’s only naughty at home lol.

So today begins my attempt at a better, more structured writing schedule – squeezing it in between life and everything else. Hopefully I will be as successful as I would like to be.  Wish me luck!

Sorry its been a while…

Things seem to finally be looking up a bit. Let’s hope they stay that way.

It’s been over a month since I updated my blog because it’s been crazy inside and outside our house. We’ve suffered numerous illnesses, EM was diagnosed lactose intolerant (just like her big sister), my phone decided to break months before it was time to upgrade, and the only car that fits all three car seats at the same time decided to break more than it was worth to fix. Needless to say, we’ve been busy.

Besides getting a new phone and car (and I really love this car), yesterday I was able to see my BFF who was visiting from Wisconsin. We got to hang out and let all the babies play together. It was amazing. I really wish her husband hadn’t moved her so far away. I’m also pretty stoked about the webinar I signed up for tonight. It’s supposed to be writing tips for busy authors. I think as a working mom, I might qualify.  🙂

I’m really looking forward to any tips or tricks it can give me to be more productive in the time I have. Draft one of my first full-length is done, but draft two seems to be taking me forever to complete. And my beta readers all over me for the finished product. I am really proud of the WIP though and can’t wait to share it.

I Did It!

No one ever thinks they will find the broken leg of a three year old to be a blessing in disguise, but lat week, I did. CJ’s company graciously let him work from home on preschool days while MJ has his cast on. Since he stays home with the girls, I have been going over to the library to work on my book while MJ is in school. This has given me the ability to write thousands of words at a time. It has been an amazing experience to throw myself into my book like this.

Because of this opportunity, on October 2nd 2015, I was able to write the words I’ve been so looking forward to writing since this book was just a concept in my head.


Ahh! My hands shook while I took that picture to send to CJ because I couldn’t even wait until I got home to tell him.  🙂

Now, finding a way to print it so I can begin draft two. I can do this. I will do this. And you’re all invited to the book launch and subsequent movie premiere lol.

Lately, I very much feel on the periphery of things. I want to find something to excite me; that makes me want to participate. Most of the time, my writing makes me feel this way, but I am hesitant to being a writing session because I don’t have as much time to devote to it as I would like and interruptions are guaranteed in my house. I dislike nothing more than getting into a good writing groove and having to abandon it mid-stride. I sincerely hope that the things we are planning in the near future pan out the way we hope so I will have more “me” time; for my writing, to find hobbies I will enjoy, to make some friends.

Recently I reconnected with a friend from high school. I last saw her at the baby shower my family threw for me while I was pregnant with MJ, so it’s been over three years. We decided to get together because of any of the friends that we both still have, the only ones with kids live really far away. She just had her first child a few weeks before EM was born. Both our husbands played on the playground with MJ and Q while we chatted and played with the babies. I had a really nice time.

I feel like this post is a little disjointed. These first two paragraphs were written in an exhaustion induced semi-coma. Had to work an extra long shift last night then wake up early with the kids. It was rough, to say the least. I was so proud of Q today though. She was amazing. And I’m really looking forward to taking MJ to his preschool orientation next week. First day of school pictures to come!

Sorry…

I have been a super slacker. I promise there is good reason, it is just not something I can share yet. I have been neglecting all my forms of writing: here, my journal, and my book. Here’s to hoping within the next few days I can make a few changes to get back on track. In the meantime, I am going to post a few YCN articles just to try to get my presence back up.

Excerpt from WIP

I have been debating doing this for a while. Some people think I should post an excerpt from my book, but I’ve never been good at sharing my writing with anyone. I even have a difficult time letting CJ read it and he is my nicest critic.

With some encouragement from my Twitter followers, I have decided to share a small excerpt from my current Work In Progress. This WIP is only a first draft, so please be kind when it comes to typing errors, etc. as my goal at the moment is to just get the story down on paper and then edit during the second draft phase.

I have 18 chapters currently, and the story is not over yet. Below is the beginning of the second chapter. Constructive criticism only, please. I am freaking out…

Becca’s War
Chapter 2 excerpt
Pink. She was surrounded by pink. Pink glittered walls. Pink fluffy pillows. Becca could not believe that Marianne had finally convinced her mother to let her pink-ify her room. Becca had to control her gag reflex, yet she was happy to be here.

How many nights had she slept in this room? How many secrets had they shared here? Yet tonight, she would have to conceal the biggest secret of them all from her best friends.

“Rebecca Anne, just what did you think you were doing?” Marianne feigned anger.

“What? Surprising you? I didn’t know that wasn’t allowed. I’ll make sure not to do it next time.” Becca smiled. She really was glad to be here.

Ben had already made himself comfortable on the pink bedspread. His coat was tossed on the floor in a heap with his hat and gloves.

“I don’t know about you Marianne, but I think Becca coming home is a pretty good birthday present. Even if it is belated.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Benny. No one said anything about coming home,” Becca was quick to correct.

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, M&M. Have a seat.” Becca took her spot at the small desk chair and plopped her mis-matched socked feet upon it while Marianne went to the window seat and sat on a pink cushion. She adjusted the pink curtains out of her face and waited for Becca to speak.

“We are not here to stay.”

“Wha-”

“Let her finish Marianne. Geez.”

Becca glanced around the room. It was comforting to see, except for the color, the room she knew as well as her own had not changed much. There were still Taylor Swift CDs scattered on the desk, costume jewelry hung haphazardly on the vanity mirror, and a collage of photos of herself, M&M, and Benny on the pegboard above the bed.

She looked back at Marianne. “Dad’s just here on business. We will only be staying until he’s finished with his work, then we will have to go again.”

“That’s crazy, Becca. You just got back. I don’t want you to go away again.”

“Dad’s job is important, M&M. We go where he’s needed.”

“I can’t believe you!” Marianne’s face began to rival her hair in color. “All those times you complained about how he was gone all the time and how his job couldn’t be more important than family and -”

“Mary-anne.” Ben enunciated each syllable. There was no mistaking his tone. “Becca has gone through an awful lot the past two years. Are you seriously yelling at her right now?”

Marianne was a whirlwind of emotion. My best friend is here. I can’t believe she’s here! She’s leaving me again. Not today, but she will go. Why does Mr. Porter keep taking her away. All these business trips have to be hard on her

“How long will you stay?” Her voice had dropped and was barely above a whisper.

“As long as we need to be here.”

“Will you be going to school when it starts again on Monday?”

“Dad’s not sure, but I think I’m going to push the issue,” Becca said with resolution. “If we are here for a long time, I don’t want to miss out on classes. Plus, then I can maximize the amount of time I will get to spend with you guys.”

“Do you go to school wherever he gets assigned?” Ben could not help but to be curious about this.

“Honestly, no. I do a lot of independent study, but I miss actually going to school.”

“How can your dad be okay with dragging you all over and not letting you attend school? How will you get into college? You still plan on going, right?”

Ever since they were little, the girls had been raised together. Becca and Marianne’s mothers had been best friends, so why would they not raise their girls to be the same? They spent as much time at each other’s houses as they did at their own. It had always been their plan to do well in school, go to college together, get married being the maid/matron of honor for one another, and then raising their own children to be best friends as well.

The upheaval in Becca’s life had been a wake up call that their lives would not be like the pretty little picture they had painted for themselves. Even two years later, it was still hard to believe that Becca’s mother was gone.

Marianne could remember it like yesterday, finding out from her mother that Mrs. Porter had died. No, not died exactly. She had been murdered. A cold case now as there were no leads as to who would want to kill a Home Ec teacher whose most heinous act had been to burn a batch of her award winning cookies on occasion.

Everyone had tried their best; Becca slowly fell apart anyway.