Author Archives: amberbatdorf

National Siblings Day

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This past week, Facebook was filled with pictures and sappy messages in honor of National Siblings Day.I never really post on Facebook, except for pictures for my parents or in-laws, but my sister posts A LOT. I saw what she had tagged me in for NSD and thought it was really sweet at first.

Happy siblings day!!! I don’t have an up to date picture of us but u know I luv ya!!! Lol

Only a few minutes later I saw she had tagged one of her girlfriends in a post. It was also accompanied by a photo they had taken when they went out last week.

Although ur not blood related I couldn’t have asked for a better sister to grow up with and have our kids grow up together! Happy siblings day!!!

How can she possibly not understand how much this hurt my feelings. I AM her sister. We ARE blood related. Yet she openly admits on Facebook that this friend is her preference in the sister department. I obviously no longer thought my post was very sweet.

I guess I should be over it by now. I mean, this is the friend she invited to her wedding when I was not invited. At least CJ understood…

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The delays in posting are easily explained by the fact that the end of this pregnancy has gotten quite difficult. Finishing up a 24 hour test today then have to have another test at the hospital tomorrow. There just has not been a lot of time to do these little things I enjoy while taking care of all of this.

Everything seems to be fine with baby though, so no need to worry. I just hope to be able to return to writing soon, even in the small capacity that will be available to me once the baby arrives.

Rant. Sorry.

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Today I feel like a terrible human being. I try my best to make it to church every weekend, but sickness and being nine months pregnant and uncomfortable are fine reasons not to go (and why I have been a little lax lately). But today, I have no such excuse and I feel so terrible and out of control that I actually cannot think about what I want to do with the rest of my day because I feel so bad.

Our current houseguest thinks nothing of others before he acts. Most weekend days, he does not surface before noon yet for the past two Sundays, he has gotten up earlier than his usual and steps right into the shower without asking if it would be okay for him to do so. There are two other adults and two children in this house who require those facilities in order to make it to church on time. Last weekend, I took a cold shower and CJ went without so we could make it. Today, since I am already miserable with where baby is sitting, I refused to take a cold shower. Yet here I sit, seven minutes after mass has started, feeling awful and selfish even because I am not where I should be.

This is so unfair. I keep telling myself I should not be feeling this way. It is not my fault our houseguest is inconsiderate, but…

And the worst part is, if he were showering because he had places to be or things to do, I would be more understanding of him not taking us into account, but this is not the case. He showers, then goes back to his room to play video games or goodness knows what for the next three or so hours. Like really? You have to be clean for that?

End rant…..

Hormonal, paranoid, or…right?

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With the advent of all this technology, there are many avenues with which to maintain proper manners without actually communicating with someone who makes you uncomfortable. Don’t want to make a phone call and actually converse with someone? Send a card. Send an e-card. Send a text. Send a Facebook message. Get my drift?

My birthday was on Monday. I got nothing directly from my in-laws. They said something in passing to CJ, but that was all. And I was willing to accept that as being enough. Until today. Today is CJ’s brother-in-law’s birthday. Also a relative to my in-laws through marriage. He however, got a nice Facebook message for all to see wishing him a wonderful day and lots of love.

How do they not understand that I just want their love too?

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This has been a difficult week for me. Last weekend, we found out that my in-laws won’t be coming to the birthday party we have planned for MJ and Q. I have been trying very hard to understand their reasoning. They want to come the following weekend so they can bring my sister-in-law’s kids as well. Goodness knows the kids only see each other when we travel there (multiple times per year versus my sister-in-law’s one visit in eight years).

Although I am trying to be understanding, they knew about this party for over one month and could have made plans to be here on the correct weekend. And why is that particular weekend so important? Not only are we celebrating MJ and Q that weekend, it is CJ’s birthday as well. He will be turning 30. How could his parents not want to be here to share that with him? He is their baby.

CJ has told me many times that this isn’t that big of a deal, but I wonder who he is trying to convince more, me or himself. My heart hurts to think that they could do this to their baby. He is the single most wonderful person I have ever met and I just don’t understand how anyone could not want to show him how important he is and celebrate the fact that he’s alive.

I love you, CJ. And at least the kids and I will be here for your birthday. We’re the best part of your family anyway. 🙂

Friends

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As a woman in my late 20s (I had to cop to it sometime), it is hard for me to admit that I get lonely. A lot. My husband is my best friend and I love him for it, but sometimes I crave more.

My best friend since middle school – we served as each other’s maid of honor then matron of honor – moved 13 hours away about four years ago. What was once skyping and phone calls has devolved to Facebook comments and the occasional text message. I miss her.

The handful of friends I made before MJ was born were a few years younger and still in college when we met. Once our place of work closed, they went their separate ways. Well, from me that is. They are still friends; in fact they all live together. I miss getting together on Thursday nights to watch Grey’s Anatomy and just chit-chat.

My sister lives extremely close by, but we are so completely different that although we get along, we don’t hang out. She likes to party and get a little tipsy. I much prefer a different kind of evening. I love her because she is my sister, but I wish she were my friend.

After being with CJ for nearly eight years, he has finally convinced me to give up on his sister being my friend. I didn’t even get a chance to know enough about her to see if we would get along before she expertly and completely shut me out.

CJ tries to reassure me that once MJ, Q, and the new baby are older, I will find some of what he calls “mom friends.” I see his point about running into more woman my age with more in common, yet I feel he severely overestimates my ability to make friends.

This whole entry sounds so depressing…I promise to no longer go on a Friends binge while hormonal.

Greatest Husband Ever? Possibly…

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As I finish up with my WIP for the night, I am really looking forward to crawling into bed with CJ. How did I get so lucky?

– When I work until midnight, he puts my PJs under the electric blanket so they are nice and warm.
– When I am uncomfortably pregnant, he will paint my toenails for me.
– He doesn’t need a Honey-Do list for when I’m at work.
– Occasionally, he buys cards just to send me little notes.
– He writes drafts of notes, birthday cards, etc. before writing the final version he gives to me.

Sweetest guy ever 🙂

YCN #7

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When my sister and I were younger, my parents took us on some long road trips. We drove to Walt Disney World. We drove to the Grand Canyon. You get the idea. My sister and I had some epic fights over the cooler that separated us in the back seat, but we also took some awesome pictures.

One summer, my mother decided we were going to drive to Roswell, New Mexico. We had been watching “Roswell” ever since it premiered on television and thought it would be cool to check out where it was all taking place.

There were museums about UFOs and space and we even got to eat at the Crash Down Cafe which is one of the locations where the show takes place. As we were walking back to the car, we came upon a little out-of-the-way place that looked intriguing and had only a $2.00 entry fee. We went in and it was amazing. The proprietor had scenes set up were you could take photos with “aliens.”

At the time, we were really excited. We took lots of silly pictures and thought that they were great when we got them back. Now that I am an adult, I look back on these photos and I am really embarrassed. I cannot believe I at any point thought what I was doing was cool. In one picture in particular, I look a little drunk and I really wish that I had been, because at least that would explain why I allowed my picture to be taken in such a way. Thanks, Mom and Dad. You had to realize we were not cool.

These awkward photos will forever be proof that I was a “weirdo” and there is no denying it. At least my sister was equally guilty.

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I recently discovered I have been lied to by members of my faith community. I know I have been lied to a lot in this life and I will be lied to many more times before I die, but what shocks me most this time is the source of where the lies came from.

I do not think they realize just how much this has hurt me. I am now reconsidering a lot of my roles and planning on cutting back my volunteering in order to not be around these individuals. But at the same time, I do not want to let down those who count on me.

I know I should turn the other cheek and all that jazz, but I am still conflicted. Advice would be appreciated.

YCN #6

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My most memorable concert experience is not because of the concert itself. My favorite moment happened before I even entered the venue doors.

My sister and I went to a Cobra Starship concert when I was junior in college. My boyfriend had gotten us discount tickets as the band was playing where he worked at the time. We were so excited because it was our first concert. We saved for weeks so we could buy as much merchandise as we could.

We left early to avoid the traffic, but we had an easy ride in. We expected a long wait in line to be screened before we could enter the venue, but the queue moved swiftly. Right before the doors, there were security guards checking bags. As I had driven that night, I had a small purse with me. I held it open as I approached security, but continued my conversation with my sister as I knew there would be no issues.

I halted in talking to my sister when I realized the guard was not letting me pass. He was shining a flashlight into my purse on something in particular. From my angle, I could not tell what he was looking at and my mind raced to think of what I could possibly have in my bag that would cause security to keep me from entering the concert.

The guard called his female co-worker over to my sister and me. He motioned into my bag with his flashlight. The female guard shrugged; she did not know what he was looking at either. He reached his hand into my purse and pointed to the object. She rolled her eyes and said to him, “You’re an idiot. That’s a tampon.”

I am still not sure who was more mortified by this: him or me. I do know that I have yet to ever see another human being display the same amazing shade of red upon their face.

I honestly barely remember the concert – I know we had fun, the music was great, I bought a hoodie that is still my favorite one – but I will never forget the look on that poor man’s face over thinking a tampon was some unknown, possibly dangerous object. Embarrassing, somewhat. Memorable, definitely.