Update

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These past two weeks have been intense. And it’s not over yet.

We went on a really nice family vacation and I can’t wait to share pictures and stories about it. But as soon as I returned to work, a co-worker went out for surgery and I’ve been picking up full-time shifts to cover the holes in staffing. It’s been exhausting and I haven’t had time to upload all my pictures.

Besides being tired from all the extra shifts, I have felt really bad for the kids. They are definitely not used to me working so many hours. Even my least snuggly one has been all about the cuddles and the baby cries when I leave.

There’s one more week of this, starting tomorrow. Next week we can finally return to our normal. There will be time for babies and writing and sleep. Can’t wait.

Summer Camp

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gorgeous views from cabins

Once upon a time, I went to a summer camp I thought was truly magical. Once I turned 18, I returned to this camp as a counselor for three years. This particular camp was a sleep away camp, meaning I only had Saturday afternoons off for two months. Just enough time to go home, clean my clothes, take a real shower, and head back. I loved it.

Any time I smell a bonfire, it brings me back to opening and closing campfires, delicious s’mores, and clothes that smell slightly smoky all week. This past week it’s been a little rainy, so my wooden front door smells like the cabins in the woods would smell when we got stuck in the dining hall playing BINGO while it rained.

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the year my sister worked there too

These few things, plus a couple more, always tend to bring back camp memories. But on top of this, I’ve just been thinking about camp a lot recently. It was a huge part of me for a long time. Today’s TimeHop pictures really got to me…

This year, they decided to close the camp down for good. They sent out an invite for former campers, counselors, etc. to attend the last closing campfire and some festivities. I chose not to go. I regret it.

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one of eight cabins for campers

 

Why would I not go when I loved this place so much? I was afraid. My last summer there was a confusing one. There was a boy – well, really a man (8 years older) – who I feel really took advantage of me emotionally. So I didn’t want to see this person, I didn’t want CJ to feel awkward since he knows all about it…just so many reasons not to go. Yet every time I really think about it, I regret I kept myself from saying goodbye to such a wonderful place because of a guy. I know he was there – I’ve seen pictures from the event – and it burns my ass I let him keep me away. I am 28 years old, dammit. I shouldn’t have let something from over 8 years ago dictate my life. So now there’s one more thing to be mad at this person about. Thanks.

So, this is a goodbye to a place that taught me:

  • friends come in all shapes and sizes
  • I could survive a week (then later, months) without my parents
  • I could take really fast showers – when absolutely necessary
  • escapades after curfew were always the ones that were the most fun
  • walks on the beach in the moonlight are indescribable
  • I was incapable of winning Ugliest Counselor Contest  😛
  • Mailman is an extremely revealing game
  • camp couches are not meant for napping
  • some daily work assignments were definitely not as cool as others
  • I am a boondoggle MASTER
  • camp songs will forever be stuck in my memory
  • camp spirit is something you should always have
  • everyone loves a side-hug
  • Megadog did not taste as good as it sounds (and definitely did not deserve its own parade)
  • tie-dye t-shirts RULE
camp

SVC side-hugs 

Thank you to all my camp family. You will forever hold a special place in my heart. I wish I could have seen you one last time, but at least you will remain forever young, fun, and happy in my mind.

Camp SVC all the way! HOW HOW!

Munchos and Milk

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Last weekend, my father was passing through town on his way to a week-long fishing trip with my uncle. Since I was working the day he was picking up my uncle, he decided to stop in and visit on my break. He was super proud of himself because he brought a drink and snack. And I mean: giant grin on his face, holding up the food, excited.

He brought a bag of Munchos and a half gallon of 2% milk. So why was he so excited about these two seemingly mundane things? They are his favorite, go-to snack and he believes they are mine too.

I’ve never been a big fan of Munchos. They are far too salty, if you ask me. Growing up, I drank a lot of skim milk and that kind of ruined all other dairy for me. Everything else is just too thick.

Dad worked a lot while I was younger. One of the few times you could hang out with him was while he was grabbing a snack between projects. He always shared, because that is just the kind of guy he is. For years, I choked down chips and milk I didn’t really care for because it meant more time with my dad. So, last Sunday night, I once again choked them down since apparently they are my favorites.

I had a great time with my dad and would gladly suffer through more Munchos and 2%milk for similar, fun visits.  🙂

 

 

Forgettable/Forgivable

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Today, my heart is breaking.

For the past few weeks, ever since we received what we believed to be a wedding invitation, CJ has been in a bit of a funk. One of his brothers is getting married to his long-time, live-in girlfriend. Initially, CJ was a little miffed his brother had not asked him to be in the wedding party. (And I was miffed about the no children rule. Where am I supposed to scrounge up a babysitter for three children while in another state? Everyone I knew would be at the wedding…)

Anyway, CJ finally began feeling better after a conversation with his parents a few weeks later. Turns out it wasn’t actually a wedding invitation, it was a reception invite. They were going to be getting married earlier in the week (today, to be exact) and then the party on Saturday. He was a little sad his brother and soon to be sister-in-law were choosing not to share their nuptials, but he took solace in the fact he wasn’t be excluded from anything.

Well, this turned out not to be true. He was being excluded. And in a truly hurtful way. Last night, while talking to his parents about timing specifics to give our sitter, he discovered something awful. Today, while his brother gets married – parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces, and nephews will all be in attendance. And CJ wasn’t even invited. I understand that maybe they were thinking of the fact it would be hard for him to come in the middle of the week, blah, blah, blah…but the simple fact of the matter is they did not invite him AT ALL. To even give some semblance of pretending they wished he could be there for the event.

He was heartbroken. He doesn’t even want to go anymore. I have convinced him it is the right thing to do (plus, I don’t want to cancel the babysitter I worked so hard to get), but he is still finding ways to rebel. He refuses to shave. He knows his family, especially his mother, is not overly fond of his beard. He wants it loud and proud in any wedding photos – “If I’m even in any.” He wants to drive separately from his family so he can leave at his earliest convenience and not be beholden to anyone.

I truly understand how he feels. When my one and only sister got married in 2008, I was not invited. She has given me many excuses since then, but that’s really all they are. Excuses. And unfortunately, I have been bitter about it ever since. When CJ and I got married in 2010, my mother really fought with me over the inclusion of my sister in the wedding party – my retort being, “She’s lucky she was even invited.” Well, she was in the wedding party, but my best friend was my maid of honor. Since she had introduced CJ and I, she deserved that spot anyway. Sometimes the bitterness even gets turned up a few notches when my plans with my sister get blown off so she can hang out with her best friend – who was invited to her wedding.

I don’t know how to make CJ feel better. I try not to cry in front of him because I know he is upset enough. I cry for me, remembering how I felt and still feel. I cry for CJ, knowing exactly how he will feel today and the days after today. I cry for the relationship with his brother that will always be tainted by this because I know for a fact that it will be. There’s no coming back from this. The willful exclusion of a family member from a major life event is altering.

Never would I wish this feeling onto anyone. Seeing CJ suffer with it wounds me almost more than when it happened to me.

I hope he is able to move past it. I hope he is able to approach his brother  with more grace than I had with my sister. I hope he can forgive.

 

Bright Spot

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Do you ever have one of those days where you receive a compliment – be it small or insignificant – that is so nice it changes your outlook on the rest of your day? I got one of those today. It was completely unexpected, but had me smiling the whole way home this morning. Even with this being day three of Q being sick couldn’t tarnish my mood.

Why can’t every day be this way?

I feel that as we hit those awkward, bumbling years between 20 and 40, we stop taking the time to compliment each other. Well, guess what? This is when we need it most. No one knows what they’re doing; we’re all just trying our best. But the more we can reassure each other that we don’t suck as much as we think we do, the better off we’ll be.

If just these few words I heard this morning were enough to turn my day around, I can’t imagine what kind of outlook on life we would all have if we were surrounded by encouragement more often.

Mother’s Day

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Does anyone else just really not like holidays that are devoted to them? I pretty much despise my birthday (always have; it’s not about the age) and so far this year, Mother’s Day has been ruined. Bad news and unsolicited advice can do that for a girl.

Just let me have my day, okay? You can ruin whatever you want tomorrow.

Here’s to hoping the day can be salvaged. Maybe CJ can work some of his magic…

But, thank goodness for my babies. I’m blessed to be their mom.

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I promise, he only got the ball 🙂

Happy Mother’s Day to all the other moms out there! The work you do is important and so are you. Don’t ever let anyone convince you any different.

Sorry its been a while…

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Things seem to finally be looking up a bit. Let’s hope they stay that way.

It’s been over a month since I updated my blog because it’s been crazy inside and outside our house. We’ve suffered numerous illnesses, EM was diagnosed lactose intolerant (just like her big sister), my phone decided to break months before it was time to upgrade, and the only car that fits all three car seats at the same time decided to break more than it was worth to fix. Needless to say, we’ve been busy.

Besides getting a new phone and car (and I really love this car), yesterday I was able to see my BFF who was visiting from Wisconsin. We got to hang out and let all the babies play together. It was amazing. I really wish her husband hadn’t moved her so far away. I’m also pretty stoked about the webinar I signed up for tonight. It’s supposed to be writing tips for busy authors. I think as a working mom, I might qualify.  🙂

I’m really looking forward to any tips or tricks it can give me to be more productive in the time I have. Draft one of my first full-length is done, but draft two seems to be taking me forever to complete. And my beta readers all over me for the finished product. I am really proud of the WIP though and can’t wait to share it.

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It’s only 9am and I’m already frustrated. It’s mornings like these that remind me we are basically on our own. 

As much as I love CJ, his morning he was a bit of a doofus. He took both set of car keys with him to work. It took me a long time to figure out a way to get MJ to school. I ended up being able to get him a ride (since the local school district won’t bus him to his preschool), but he was about 45 minutes late. 

This makes me feel immensely jealous of the people who have parents close by. They have this instant support system to help out on days like today or if someone gets unexpectedly hurt and needs to go to the doctor. Yet I have seen many in this situation take it for granted. I would be unbelievably grateful. In fact, I would be willing to bribe my parents if they would move back. I don’t have much to offer, but I’m sure we can figure out a deal.  🙂

The Boy Who Lived

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I know the kids may still be a little young for this, but last night I began reading them Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone for the first time. We only read one chapter, but CJ and I were really impressed with how long they were able to sit and listen before getting distracted. What I would really like to get is this illustrated edition. It is the entire, originally published story, yet there are gorgeous illustrations on every page to keep a younger audience interested longer.

I really hope to share my love of this series with my kids (besides just my love of reading). CJ may not be as big of a fan as I am, but at least he doesn’t think I’m crazy. He has supported my habit a bit by taking me to midnight showings when we were dating and by taking me to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter as part of our honeymoon. (And it was only part. We went other places, too.)  🙂

I am anxious to read more with them, but I know I shouldn’t overwhelm them with the current version I have if I really want them to pay attention to the whole chapter. Then again, MJ just had a birthday last weekend, so maybe I can convince him to buy the illustrated edition with his birthday money so the whole family can enjoy it.

Russian Cinema Attempt #2

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For my second foray into Russian cinema, I watched Dubrovskiy. Apparently it is based on a novel, but I had never read it or heard of it. Once again I found a version with subtitles and went for it.

Just like My Iz Budushchego, the exposition was quite confusing with the jumps between story lines. I felt like parts of the romantic plot were really forced. This made them awkward and borderline creepy.

After a certain point, I forgot to look at the cinematic aspects of the film since I had finally gotten interested in the plot. And then I was severely disappointed. At the end, I resolved to never read this novel as the adults acted like children and Vladimir proved to just be a TERRIBLE person.

I am very interested in watching more, but I feel like it is difficult to find the ones I want to watch, at least with subtitles; which at this point in my Russian study, is still necessary. But I will persevere.