Category Archives: Life

Today Was Difficult…

Posted on by

0

I no longer have a place at the kids’ table; my son now occupies that space. I am a mother, homeowner, have my BS, but am still not qualified to sit at the adult table. Why is it then, that while I am only qualified to be in this awkward limbo, I am forced to suffer a strange and uncomfortable sharing of information?

I do not need intimate details of aunt and uncle infidelity and divorce. I do not wish to hear unemployment histories and financial difficulties. I am not “old enough” to join them, yet they seek me out. I know it is not for my wisdom – I have not lived as long as they have or seen as much. I know it is only for my sympathy. Unfortunately, there are many times when I do not wish to give it.

I know more things about certain people than I think I should know. How can I be expected to be a good member of the younger generation when I have these secrets I need to keep? If I cannot be at the adult table, then please, LEAVE ME OUT. Let me stay in limbo; playing with the kids and keeping my rose colored glasses as far as pasts and presents of the adults are concerned.

I am so tired of not telling one person this, another person that, etc. More nights than not, I cry. Most of those nights, it is not for myself or my own problems, but something I have been told and cannot discuss to get off my chest. I cannot fix everything, yet I feel this overwhelming compulsion to do so and it is debilitating to feel this way and know that there is nothing I can do.

No more secrets. No more confessions. I am done.

Posted on by

0

Today, I was running a little late for work. MJ was up for four hours last night and that obviously made pregnant mommy a bit sleepy and I may have fallen asleep 15 minutes before we were supposed to leave the house. After dropping MJ off with his GG, I was making my way to work when I came across an older man waiting to cross at a crosswalk. I stopped my car and attempted to wave him across. The man smiled and said through my open window, “I may be old, but I am still a gentleman. Go ahead, young lady.”

My tired, crappy day is now a little bit better. 🙂

For Me

Posted on by

0

I do not remember being this emotional while pregnant with MJ. The littlest things are able to set me off and then leave me off kilter and crying for potentially hours after.

Maybe it is a combination of things. I dislike my job. I hate leaving MJ. I am frustrated that a lot of the things I have been trying to do in order to stay home with MJ are not working at a level that would support me staying with him. I wish I had more help around the house, yet I am appreciative every second of every day that CJ does so much for us. I need more time to work on my writing, yet in the evenings, I am tired from chasing MJ, working, house work, dinner, etc. and I just cannot bring myself to do anything but sleep when things calm down. I gladly get MJ ready for bed alone so CJ can have his workout time because I know how important it is to him, but I miss CJ every second he is in his garage.

As I write this, I do not even know if I will make this post public or not. CJ reads my posts, yet I am not worried about what he would think as he tries to understand what I am going through. I am more worried about what my other followers would think, or my mother who likes to read my blog every now and then. I mean, how do you say these things and not sound like a spoiled baby even though you just really need to say them?

I guess I should post this as my tagline says “frowns and smiles” and that is life. There are no smiles without frowns; the smiles would mean a lot less without them.

Posted on by

0

Summer is almost over and even though fall is my favorite season, I will miss taking pictures like this one.

Eating black raspberries in the yard :)

Eating black raspberries in the yard 🙂

With everything that has been going on lately, I feel that I really have been slacking on some things. I have been stressed about finding a new job that will allow me to spend more time at home or work more opposite CJ as we have no one who will watch MJ anymore. Also, come January, we will have another little one and finding a sitter for two will be harder than a sitter for one. I do have my music lessons as supplemental income, but unless I get more students, I do not know what we will do.

We have been working on potty training MJ so we will not have two babies in diapers at the same time. He is doing so well! I am immensely proud of him. He has already made his transition into his big boy bed and after he masters this, he will be unstoppable 🙂

MJ also begins his gymnastics classes this week. This little boy loves to dance and climb things and since CJ will not even consider danced classes, gymnastics it is. To be honest, I am more excited about the gymnastics classes than I ever would have been about dance.

Filler, Since It Had Been a While

Posted on by

0

Life has been stressful this past month. I have had two job interviews, which led to two job shadows, but then nothing. I told CJ that I am not used to not getting a job I interview for. He tries to remind me that the economy is different now then it was three years ago, but it is still hard to not take things to heart.
MJ said his first full sentence at 15 months; it may have only been two words long, but I’ll take it 🙂
I have had a couple more articles posted through Yahoo! and anyone interested should check them out. I get paid per view, so you would be doing me a favor.
Last weekend, we went to the drive-in for the first time of the summer. We saw “Fast & Furious 6,” because we love the series, and we also saw “The Purge.” “The Purge” was a very intriguing movie with interesting concepts; definitely a thinker.

More MJ

Posted on by

0

My little boy sure does love to play outside! With the weather here in NY finally starting to get nice, MJ and I will go for walks or to the park in the morning before I head to work. Even if we just hang out in our own backyard he is a happy camper. In fact, he likes it outside so much that when I start to pick up his toys to go in the house for lunch or nap, he starts to cry. He is definitely his father’s son. I think CJ would be content to stay outside all day every day if he could.

MJ at the park. He looks so little.

MJ at the park. He looks so little.

Playing at his cousin's house.

Playing at his cousin’s house.

This little boy has also discovered that he can climb. Anything that can make him taller, he attempts to climb. Sofas and other such things, I do not mind him climbing; by the time he gets up on them, he is tired and just sits and rests. It is the other things I mind. He has discovered that he can push the coffee table in the toy room up to the window, climb on top of it, and stare out at the neighbors. He thinks it is great. The first time I saw him on top of the table, I almost had a heart attack. It seems like this boy has no self-preservation. He will, without a doubt, grow to be some crazy daredevil who jumps out of perfectly good airplanes or something along those lines. These will just be stories he can never share with Mommy. 🙂

My Day

Posted on by

0

Rushed. I have been rushed all day. Too busy thinking about what I have to do later instead of what I have to do now.

I work in the village square and if there is no parking out front, I will park my car by the grocery store and walk the short distance to my work. Today, as soon as I closed the car door, I realized an important fact. I had just locked my keys in my car. When I set my bags down just to check, I realized that, to make matters worse, the keys were in the ignition and the car was still running.

A co-worker suggested calling the local police department, but I know CJ has had an issue with other local PDs who will not get keys out of for legal reasons. I tried anyway and there was no answer in the office. I did not bother trying to get a hold of CJ as he works about 45 minutes away. I called the garage that we use and they said, “Sure! But it will cost you $40.” I sure did not have $40 to waste on my stupidity.

While trying to figure out what to do, my co-worker realized that a deputy car was parked outside of the local diner. He told me just to go inside and ask for help; no big deal. Yes, it is a big deal!

I walked in and found them sitting in the back corner. Once I realized it was more than one officer I would be interrupting, I bailed and went back outside. My co-worker called me a chicken and said to get my butt back in there. I did not have $40 and I sure was not happy about the gas I was wasting, so I went back inside.

The officers were eating salads and having a grand time when awkward me walked up to the table with my story of how “I must have left my brain at home today.” They said not a problem, we will be right there.

I went back to work since my co-worker offered to wait by my car while he was on his smoke break. He came back a few minutes later to tell me that as the registered owner, I had to go sign paperwork. I started to panic a bit, because I am not the registered owner, CJ is.

I walked down to find a very frustrated police officer. He had use a wood wedge and what looked like a blood pressure cuff to pry the door open a bit and had a long, hooked wire in my car. He turned when he saw me in the reflection off the car window asking where the automatic lock button was. There is no automatic lock in my car. It is old.

As I stood in the parking lot, I could feel the people staring and the cars driving slowly to try and find out what was going on. He could not get the proper grip or leverage to get the lock itself up, so he tried to get the handle open since we realized that would make the door unlock and open. I was so excited when he got it open that I did not realize he was not done with me. He asked for my license and registration. I did not have my license, it was in my purse by my desk and I had to hope CJ would have put the registration where I would have put it.

I began to dig around in the glove box and pulled out the insurance first. This was not good enough, although I do not know why. It provided the same information. I think at this point – locked keys, interrupting lunch, happy dance in the parking lot, no license, and inability to find the registration – he began to doubt my credibility and my sanity.

I finally found the registration and as he was reaching for it, I pulled it back. “I realize that this says it is expired, but I promise I paid for the renewal last night and that the temporary registration is in my living room. Please do not give me a ticket for expired registration.” I honestly believe he rolled his eyes at me.

The officer looked thoroughly at the registration, upset that it only said CJ on it. I told him that my husband’s name must just be too long to fit on such a small piece of paper. He began writing the information he needed and as he got to the address, he asked if it was current. I said no and he crossed out what he has begun writing with obvious exasperation. I gave him our new address and signed the form. He must have realized that no women would have claimed my last name if it were not true and let me go without further proof.

CJ called shortly after it happened and I told him the whole story ending with the fact that I have no dignity left today. NONE. Jeepers. I still feel like an idiot thinking about it. :/

In Over Our Heads…Maybe?

Posted on by

0

CJ found a site where companies can hire freelance writers to do work for them. I applied for a position that seemed extremely simple and maybe a little fun. The longer I work on it, the more tiresome it becomes. The “employer” keeps finding things too add on so this has quickly become a job worth a lot more than the $60 I was promised. It has made it virtually impossible to work on my other writing or even things around the house. I cannot wait to turn this project in on Friday and get it out of my life for good.

As we are still getting used to our new budget, being first-time homeowners, we rely heavily on CJ’s job and my two part-time jobs. I officially have no second job anymore. The announcement was made yesterday that the hospital is closing for good. Now we are scrambling to figure something else out as my little writing side jobs do not pay enough to cover the new deficit in our budget. Oh boy…

I believe things will work out to be alright, but I hate the uncertainty of not knowing.

Party Time!

Posted on by

1

It has been beyond crazy lately trying to get a house we have been living in for less than three months ready enough to entertain a large number of family members. Why do I need to have them over? My baby is turning one!

It is hard to believe that my baby boy is already one. He walks, he talks; where did the time go?

My family is great, but sometimes they can be a little judgemental. My mother will comment on how the kitchen is not painted yet. My grandma, who has a keen eye for dust, will let me know if I missed a spot. One of my aunts makes the cakes for everyone’s birthday parties, but I told her I wanted to do this one myself and I am sure she will let me know if it is not up to standards.

I know MJ will have lots of fun tomorrow, but I sure will not. Who ever really has fun hosting the party; making sure drinks are full, there are enough snacks out…

Somehow I managed to pull together the time to write a little more for the Yahoo Contributor Network so if anyone is interested in reading one of the two articles, here they are: “Words of Wisdom” and “My Son Creates his own Photo Ops.”

Hopefully after tomorrow afternoon, I will still be sane enough to post a few pictures of the birthday boy and of the main rooms of the house that have finally been finished. I am so proud of what CJ and I have been able to do on our own. CJ even built me my dining room table! I think it is beyond gorgeous and I never knew he was so handy. 🙂

Bed early tonight beccause I have a dragon cake to finish in the morning. Rawr! 😀

Really?

Posted on by

0

Today is a day of frustration. My sister watches MJ for a few hours on Fridays, between when I leave for work and CJ comes home. I always drop MJ off at 2:00pm. ALWAYS. Today, at quarter to two, my sister called me and said to not drop MJ off at her house – she was out getting her nails done. Are you kidding me? She relies so heavily on my babysitting money to drive her daughter back and forth to preschool that she hounds me about it every week (even though I give it to her the same day every time), yet she has money to blow on a manicure. WTF.

She wanted me to drop MJ off at Walmart, where she was getting her nails done, but I did not want to. He has been sick for the past few days and was finally getting better. I did not want him in and out of cars, running around, etc. Plus, she has two girls of her own to handle while her nails got done.

I really did not have a choice because I do not have someone else to watch MJ. As I was driving to Walmart, my sister tried to call me. My speaker does not work, so I did not answer. She immediately tried to call again so I pulled over to take the call. There had been a change of plans. As her nails got done sooner than she thought and her girls were hungry, they were going to go to Pizza Hut.

I was livid. I did not want him in a public place around other people when he was sick. I did not want her feeding him – we are a paleo family, whether she agrees with that lifestyle or not. She promised she wouldn’t and they would go straight home. I did not believe her.

CJ and MJ always come to visit me on Friday nights on my dinner break. MJ looked terrible when they got here and CJ looked like he was ready to kill my sister. MJ had gone from looking and sounding almost 100% better to being so sick it was heartbreaking just to listen to him breathe. There was no way my sister had taken him straight home.

CJ tries his best not to take his frustrations out on me as he knows she is my sister, but I agree sometimes. I will always love her, but her nonchalance when it comes to the care of MJ really bothers me. I do not have anyone else to watch him while I work and I only work part-time so he can spend most of his days with me. Both CJ and I wish we could figure out a way where I could stay home and he could always stay with me. Plus, my sister is pregnant with baby number three, due in August, and there is no way I am going to let her watch MJ after that.

Most work-from-home jobs do not seem legitimite and they scare me away from even trying to investigate them further. I would love to watch a few children in my home as I used to work at a daycare for three years, but all my ads and fliers do not seem to be doing any good. Hopefully something good comes our way soon.

Sorry about my complaining.